To Dare To Offer

A mixed-media, real-time travelogue from France to Nepal for the cremation of Kunzig Shamar Rinpoche.

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07/25/2014

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Hi guys,   Yesterday was the one year anniversary of Shamar Rinpoche's passing, according to the Tibetan calendar. This will be, I think, my final missive regarding this project. I thank you all once again for your incredible generosity and support. Getting in touch with and getting to talk with you guys was as much a blessing of this project as the journey and the creation of the work itself.   I have a little confession to make. I've been sitting on about two-hundred bucks for the last few months. After I finished up all the bits and pieces of the project, tied the final protection knots onto strings of prayer beads and sealed the final prints and notes into envelopes marked à l'étranger or overseas, I realized I still had a chunk of money in the bank.   It's funny how generosity works. It seems to have a kind of domino effect. And Rinpoche's death seemed to bring out everyone's kindness. I had promised to use extras to help others out with their voyages, and a portion of the donations indeed supported the travel expenses of other pilgrims to Nepal. And yet, during our journeys, we paid very little for food; most of it was donated. Friends and strangers alike helped us out with travel expenses along the way. And so, when it was all said and done, this bit rested. I've been waiting for the right opportunity to do something important with it.   Buddhist philosophy teachings are very precise about the importance of the correct use of donations--ambiguity with other people's generosity is a slippery slope I think, and so I'd like to check in with you about the next step.   Here's my proposition:   My original plan was to split the sum in half, and send one third to Kalimpong, India to support a project to build a guesthouse to allow for foreign students to undertake traditional language and philosophy classes at the shedra (traditional Tibetan secondary school and university and ahem, potential future study spot for yours truly), and use the other part to help finance Dhagpo's Institute, where people from all over the world can receive authentic teachings on Buddhist philosophy and meditation. In light of the earthquake and ensuing difficulties in Nepal, I'd like to split what remains three ways and contribute to each of these causes, as a way to invest together in people's well-being in the present and for the future.   If you have any objection to this choice or comments on the final destination of your contributions, don't hesitate to send me an e-mail and clarify your preference. In addition, I must admit that in the calculation between dollars, euros, and Nepali rupees, my numbers have become a bit approximative. I apologize for any unseen amounts that may have gone or go in directions other than those intended. Also, a tiny but important detail: donations towards the Institute greater than 40 euros are reciprocated with a small consecrated statue as a support for practice. My thought was to make a single donation with that portion of the funds and offer the statue to my grandmother, who collects Buddha statues and has also been a great support to me in my life and all those around her.   I hope all of this finds you well. For my part, I am humbled and filled with gratitude. Remembering a loss also reminds me how much I have been given, and all that I wish to pay back and pay forward.   Thank you all so much for your support and love. All notes, ideas, and questions regarding this or anything are welcome.   All the best, Jourdie

Hello loves!   It's September. Which means vacation time at Dhagpo! Which means some happy mix of catching up on all actual life things that got left undone in the rush of August activity and actual time off. I'm planning to spend a couple days by the ocean to get some salt air and take some time to try and integrate a bit all that's happened in the last few months. I'm also going to take the time to finish my thank-yous for all you wonderful people and get them sent across the ocean. I've started stringing malas, but that's about all for the moment. However, I'm writing up my schedule for the next few weeks and it's high on my list.    I hope you're all well, and having a lovely summer. Thanks for all and much love!   -Jourdie

Hello loves.   Sorry for time lag. <a href="http://purelysubjective.wordpress.com/2014/08/06/day-8-rather-late-homecoming/" target="_blank">Here</a> is the official final installment of the journey and this project. You'll hear from me again in the weeks to come with some fond hellos and a bit of logistical news regarding my undying gratitude and your PRESENTS! The bead merchants in Booudhanath are pleased, and I'm exciting to get my hands into some mala making. :)   Love to all.

<img alt="Img_1740" src="https://kkbb-production.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/project_image/image/110465/IMG_1740.jpg" />   H'okay kids, let's do this thing!   What to even say? As you know, the project reached its funding, and even surpassed it. You all are amazing! Which means, well, I'm on way to Katmandu. Things are under way for realz--we are on the road.   From here on out, I'll be writing directly to the blog and letting you all visit autonomously. This is partly not to bomard you--I have this dream I'll manage to post more than once daily, though I'll guess we'll see what's logistically possible, and partly to streamline the time I'll working online, as both "free time" and internet are high-value items this week. :)    Thanks for your understanding and, as ever, for your support. You'll find all you seek at: <a href="http://purelysubjective.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">www.purelysubjective.wordpress.com</a> And if you don't, feel free to shoot me an e-mail and let me know what you'd like to see/hear more about.   So much love, and infinite gratitude!   -Jourdie

<img alt="23-flags" src="https://kkbb-production.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/project_image/image/109762/23-flags.jpg" />   I'm giving you (and, erm, me) a couple days to rest before we hit the road. <a href="http://purelysubjective.wordpress.com/2014/07/24/goodbye-for-now/" target="_blank">Here's</a> the word before we go.

<img alt="22-stars" src="https://kkbb-production.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/project_image/image/109514/22-stars.jpg" />   And trying to <a href="http://purelysubjective.wordpress.com/2014/07/22/the-stars-are-there-too/" target="_blank">let it go</a> if it's not.

<img alt="Img_1699" src="https://kkbb-production.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/project_image/image/109267/IMG_1699.JPG" />   How to connect with the masters: a <a href="http://purelysubjective.wordpress.com/2014/07/21/infinitesimal-mirrors/" target="_blank">prose poem</a>.

<img alt="20-storm2" src="https://kkbb-production.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/project_image/image/108944/20-storm2.jpg" />   And not getting any. And getting pretty loopy instead.   It's like <a href="http://purelysubjective.wordpress.com/2014/07/20/waiting-for-news/" target="_blank">this.</a>

Just <a href="http://purelysubjective.wordpress.com/2014/07/19/sometimes-there-is-only-one-answer/" target="_blank">this.</a>

<img alt="17-thread" src="https://kkbb-production.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/project_image/image/108452/17-thread.jpg" />   There's a petition to bring Shamarpa's body into Nepal on Change.org. I'm generally pretty reticent about political activity, but this is so much less political than it is a simple act of human decency.   To read more, and for the link to sign, go <a href="http://purelysubjective.wordpress.com/2014/07/17/to-hold-on-and-let-go/" target="_blank">here</a>.

<img alt="Img_1673" src="https://kkbb-production.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/project_image/image/108265/IMG_1673.jpg" />   Hello loves. Things are changing, but no one knows in what direction. I'm grumpily following along, but also trying to conserve energy. As such, news can be found <a href="http://purelysubjective.wordpress.com/2014/07/17/for-the-time-being/" target="_blank">here</a>.

<img alt="Img_1657" src="https://kkbb-production.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/project_image/image/107981/IMG_1657.jpg" />   We had a little team meeting this afternoon to travel plan. We debated on departure times for the drive to Paris, discussed the importance of granola bars, weighed the pros and cons of raincoats versus umbrellas, and set a time for visa application en masse. We joked about monsoons and the importance of foldable stools, considered the appropriate ratio of Euros, dollars, and Nepali rupees to best get us through customs and from the airport to the hotel, and mutually wondered when our travel agency was actually going to make us pay for their awesome services. We planned, we laughed, we parted ways.   We never once even posed the question, “What will we do if it’s not there?” If the cremation that we’ve put all this effort planning to be present for winds up being some where else.   In the end, there’s not really any question. We go. Whether or not the body is there, whether or not the fire and ashes and ceremony are there, the blessing is there. Blessing is in the flexibility of mind that we develop in adapting to impermanence, in the confidence and stability we gain by following through on a commitment even when the context changes, and in the trust and peace we nurture by turning upset and uncertainty into practice.   This is pilgrimage, whatever lies on the other side of the road.

<img alt="14-flag" src="https://kkbb-production.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/project_image/image/107716/14-flag.jpg" />   So apparently Shamarpa <a href="http://**This post is part of a larger project culminating in a week of creative journalism in Kathmandu Valley, Nepal chronicling the cremation of the Tibetan spiritual master Shamar Rinpoche. To find out more or make a donation to this project, go here." target="_blank">may not be cremated in Nepal.</a> Somewhere between Nepalese administration, Chinese foreign policy, and one last joke for his disciples, Shamarpa's body may not be allowed to be transported into the country. Nothing's sure, but it's at the same time heartbreaking and funny. Wait and see.

<img alt="Img_1641" src="https://kkbb-production.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/project_image/image/107569/IMG_1641.jpg" />   Sitting in a teaching on the practice of Amitabha, the Buddha of Infinite Light, and the Buddha most associated with Shamarpa, I had this thought:   Maybe all this loss I feel, for some one who isn't really gone, but just present in a way I can't see with my eyes or touch with my hands...maybe when I feel his absence, what I am actually feeling is the gap between me--here and now--and everything I wish I were capable of.

<img alt="12-celebrate" src="https://kkbb-production.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/project_image/image/107430/12-celebrate.jpg" />   We made it! We've reached one hundred percent of the project goal. I'm stunned and thrilled and grateful and so glad to be doing this together.   This is by no means the end. Donations can be made up to the 25th, and all that's given beyond this point goes to help other impoverished disciples reach their teacher.

<img alt="11-veins" src="https://kkbb-production.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/project_image/image/107304/11-veins.jpg" />   Managed to find time to give blood before heading off to Nepal. We'll be on the no-donate list for four months after the trip, so it seemed worthwhile to drive a little further than usual for our dose of coca cola and life-essence siphoning. There's something mind-blowing to me about being able to give up an essential part of what keeps me alive, and then eat a free sandwich and go home. Grateful to that this generosity practice could be, in some way, part of our trip. Another reminder of how lucky we are, that we're in a position to give.

<img alt="10-butterburns" src="https://kkbb-production.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/project_image/image/107007/10-butterburns.jpg" />   Learned about a preposition today that shows that the object of a sentence has the same nature as the verb acting on it. Sorry if you're not into grammar; hold on. In Tibetan this sentence reads: butter, fire, of the same nature/into, burning. There was a lot of discussion and I'm a raw beginner, but from what I can grasp this points to the fact that burning and fire are both active and transformative. The butter, once the verb is applied to it, is in an ongoing state of change.    The language of Tibetan Buddhism itself reminds us that reality is not as fixed as we believe it to be. The butter lamp imagery made me think of Shamarpa. He's considered an emanation (a physical manifestation of enlightened qualities) of the Buddha of Infinite Light. Ever-present. And yet, the Shamarpa I knew, the man who reminded me he was "one hundred percent human" has gone the way of the butter in the lamp. Not gone-gone, but noticeably subject to the ongoing state of change that is the physical world.

<img alt="9-merci" src="https://kkbb-production.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/project_image/image/106655/9-merci.jpg" />   It's been one week since I set up this crazy endeavor, and just the experience of running it and reaching out and connecting with people has been incredible.   On top of that, the project has reached 50 percent of its goal. Amazing, woohoo! Thank you all so much for your incredible support, for giving and sharing and being there!   It's truly a pleasure to undertake this together. So much love.

<img alt="8-sharminub" src="https://kkbb-production.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/project_image/image/106442/8-sharminub.jpg" />   <a href="http://www.bodhipath.org/sharminub/" target="_blank">Shar Minub.</a>   A place of practice. One of only places left where monks uphold the traditional 253 vows. A new ground for discipline and training.    One of my fellow travelers said the other day, "This is a place where no commitments have been broken yet. A place to go to make wishes."    And that is what we'll do.    If you have wishes that need making, I'm in it for all beings, and that includes you. Let me know.

There's something I want to say. I haven't dared because, well...it's complicated in my head, and being able to share it with you means working through the complications. Maybe you won't agree. Maybe you won't care. Maybe something else. But it's important, so anyway, here goes.     Let's start with this. Asking people for money is hard. There's an aspect of judgment and also an aspect of worth. Do  you like what I'm creating? Does what I'm creating move you or offer you enough that you want to invest the currency that your hard work and effort brought you? Asking for money brings up a lot of emotional stuff about me. Why do I keep making things? What is the value of art? How do people perceive me as an artist, as a Buddhist, as a person? It's a muddy river to wade through, and it's awfully preoccupying. It's also only about me.   <img alt="7-coldhardcash" src="https://kkbb-production.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/project_image/image/106235/7-coldhardcash.jpg" />   And I didn't create this project just for me. Partly, yes, to force myself to grow and practice. But I also created it to bring people together, and to put into practice Shamar Rinpoche's teachings. If I have a role in any of this, it's as a conductor. I find it hard to describe, conceptualise, or concretize what Shamarpa brought to my life that was so important and what makes the loss of him, as a physical human being anyway, so upending. But I think the simplest term is confidence. Confidence in my own ability to be joyful, loving, and of use in this world. And equally as much, confidence in others' ability to do so as well. He brought a sense of not-being-aloneness that completely surpassed all of the divisions I normally create between myself and others. The purpose of this project is to try to tap into that confidence, and to spread it, and grow it, and share it.    In the realm of the world, this activity is a small thing. I show up. I write a thing. I sometimes draw a thing or photograph a thing. But it takes a bit of gumption every day to do that. To say to myself, "Whatever I'm living, some one else out there is maybe living the same thing or something similar, and if I can just--bear witness, and share it, maybe that helps." I do it in the hopes that the willingness to go just a tiny bit beyond my borders can connect others to their own ability to do so. This is the gift Shamarpa gave me: to be bolder and braver and less trapped by all of my ideas about me. To put myself forward despite my uncertainty in the hopes that I can benefit others.   Part of the benefit of this project lies in its financial aspect. I could have found quieter, more comfortable ways to pay for this journey. I could have stuck to the writing and images as ways challenge myself to be a little brave and share. But it didn't seem right. Donating money is making a commitment. It's giving up part of our own hard work and effort for some thing other than ourself. Doing so, when we truly want and are moved to do so, helps us develop a mindset of prosperity, trust, and care for others. Shamarpa had an infinite care for all of us, and it only seemed right to conceptualize this project in a way that lets us connect directly to that.

<img alt="6-goodmisery" src="https://kkbb-production.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/project_image/image/105954/6-goodmisery.jpg" />   Here's a Buddhist joke:   There are three kinds of pilgrimage:  a decent pilgrimage, a good pilgrimage, and a great pilgrimage. If you get there, pick up your bags, catch a bus, visit some sacred places, practice a bunch, and come home, it's a decent pilgrimage. If you get there, lose your bags at the airport, breakdown in the middle of nowhere, get laid flat on your back by food poisoning, and barely make it home, it's a good pilgrimage. If you get there--and die, it's a great pilgrimage.    The point of this joke is not that the path should be difficult. The path is as difficult as it is, and the point of this joke is that practice is about transforming obstacles into positive growth. Death is the biggest obstacle most of us will face in this life, and turning that into practice would be revelatory. I'm, however, still hoping to come home in one, if slightly ravaged, piece.   The last time I went on pilgrimage in Asia involved getting attacked by bees--twice, a horrible bacterial infection of the stomach, and a fourteen-hour detour for an eight-hour car trip. So far, predictions for Nepal include ninety-degree weather, steaming monsoon rain, and one hundred thousand people in the same place. Pretty mild, but things tend to get exciting on the ground. I'm gearing up to be extremely flexible and as joyful as possible through whatever madness comes my way. As far as I see it, anything that happens on pilgrimage isn't suffering; it's the good misery.

<img alt="Img_1590" src="https://kkbb-production.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/project_image/image/105813/IMG_1590.jpg" />   Today is about connection, about Shamar Rinpoche's vision of community, and taking action to make it real.   Today a group of Dhagpo folks piled into cars and went to visit a sister center called Marfond. Unlike Dhagpo, which is a public center, Marfond is a retreat center, where the volunteers spend eight months in closed practice. Their retreat ended in May, and they came to help us prepare before Shamarpa's big teaching. They've been here often since his death to take part in group practice.    Shamarpa set up and supported many different microcosms within the Kagyu lineage, different approaches for different kinds of people. At the same time, he wanted us to work together, and now we finally are. Since he died, students from different centers with different styles and in many ways different cultures, have been coming together to mourn and to celebrate our teacher, but also to exchange, to discover, and to develop a shared vision of the future. We're realizing that the community, the mandala, as it's called, isn't just the people we know and work with every day, but tons of other people practicing and growing in the same tradition.   And beyond that, as support pours in from individuals, groups, cities even that don't have anything to do with the lineage or Buddhism at all, I for one, am seeing ever more clearly that community is everyone, so long as we are willing to connect. I know the folks at Marfond will be grateful to follow what's happening in Kathmandu, and for this alone it's worth sharing, but who knows who else might connect with this moment and this story. Sometimes you just have to throw things out into the universe with good wishes and let things happen.   <img alt="5-cupcakes-bw" src="https://kkbb-production.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/project_image/image/105814/5-cupcakes-bw.jpg" />   And well, if you're me, you also bring cupcakes everywhere you go to show that you care and you come in peace.  Wish for the day: "D'unir la famille." To unite the family. To help bring to life Shamarpa's wish for all of us.

<img alt="4-trajet" src="https://kkbb-production.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/project_image/image/105569/4-trajet.jpg" />   Living in community means everything has to get passed through committees and assemblies. Today we had a special meeting to validate the departure of all of us who intend to take the week off here and go to Nepal. So...it's official!   We're a team of five, representing the Lama House, temple, communications, web and rituals departments. We'll all be volunteering our time for the event while we're there, in addition to attending as disciples. Once you become a volunteer at a Buddhist center, you're in for life, wherever you go. :)   We'll pile into a car in the morning on Saturday the 26th to head to Paris, and catch a flight in the evening that lands us in Kathmandu on the morning of the 27th.    <img alt="4-avion" src="https://kkbb-production.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/project_image/image/105576/4-avion.jpg" />

To Dare To Offer

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